earnest living
a drug addict, an ex-convict, a stranger.
he walked up to me and told me he has renounced his wrongdoings and asked if i would purchase something from him. i honestly didn’t have any cash on me, i just spent it on buying lunch and coffee for myself. he introduced himself and asked for my name. then he curiously asked if i looked down on people like him. i honestly told him, no i don’t have a reason to.
the security stepped forth and demanded that he leave the premises. the man apologised and started keeping the handful of tokens he was trying to sell. he asked if he could sit to keep his things, i said sure. as he was keeping his tokens, he said: i’m not selling drugs, i’m trying to make an earnest living. but people wouldn’t let me. when i do drugs, i get caught. now when i’m not doing drugs, i get chased too. i felt sorry for him. i didn’t know what to say, i lowered my head and stared blankly at my notes. he caught me off guard when he suddenly asked for my number. i politely declined and he asked why and if i am attached. i said yes, i am. he then said that my boyfriend is a lucky guy and i thanked him for the compliment. he saw what i was revising and asked why i’m studying music theory. i told him i want to be able to serve in church. as expected, the next question he asked me was which church i’m from. i asked him then which church was he from? and he said none. i was surprised (he was wearing a huge cross around his neck). he said when everything around you falls apart, sometimes you just want to be alone to talk to God. i don’t pray for myself, i pray for others too. he offered to give me a token, i declined but he insisted. he said, no one would buy it anyway. he said God bless and take care and left once he was done packing.
he left me, guilt-ridden. as a child of God, what have i done to help this man in need? i would admit i’m quick to judge, i’m quick to be weary. but who am i to feel this way? BUT he did ask for my number, which was highly unappropriate if he was honestly trying to make a living, right? someone told me that this might all just be a facade, all just a story made up to deceive Christians to empathize with them. some wear a cross to act like Christians to gain sympathy and use the name of God, blasphemy! of course, it isn’t hard to see i was wearing a cross. it really got me thinking, is it true?! i know of course there are some people who’ve made the best out of second chances, then there are the rest who’ve screwed up their second chances. but Jesus teaches us to love, to give. because i am a sinner, i have no right to judge so shouldn’t i take the leap of faith to believe? but if i believed, would i be hurt? so how do we tell of what is God’s voice, and what is satan’s deception? how can we earnestly ‘help’?
and… why would they think of ‘acting’ as Christians? why wouldn’t they think of ‘acting’ Buddhist? Taoist? and what not? by doing so, is the world saying Christians ‘seem to be’ all good? if Christians are like that, why wouldn’t people believe Christ is good and that He is good news?
ahh.. something to reflect upon tonight!
